Genki Bowl VII DLC Review Is Here!

30 01 2012

Saints Row: The Third‘s first mission based DLC has arrived and conveniently so has this review.

Genki Bowl VII is here to deliver more pain for Saints Row: The Third.  For 560 Microsoft points ($7.99 in real moneys) you can have 4 added “mini-games” and 3 new homies.  Every  “mini-game” has two missions and is as explosive and exploitive as you’d expect it to be.

  • Apocalypse Genki is essentially Super Ethical Reality Climax, it’s just enough to get you excited for the what’s in store next.
  • Super Ethical PR Opportunity is an escort mission where you take Professor Genki himself from the airport to a “meet and greet” of sorts at the local Let’s Pretend.  Professor Genki is hilarious, he was always punching random citizens when I would pick him up.  His car, which you receive for completing the missions, charges up 4 flame throwers on the vehicle that charges up by hitting people on the sidewalk.  The more damage you do, the more pleased Genki is with you.
  • Sexy Kitten Yarngasm is the Mayhem mission where you destroy as much sh*t in your way as possible.  The more things you destroy in a row, the bigger combo you get, and the more subsequent points you earn.  Maybe one of the more frustrating games because apparently yarn is a difficult material to roll around.  It’s no American Gladiators cage ball…thing.
  • Sad Panda Skyblazing is a completely new game.  Sky dive through burning rings, blow up ethical tiger hot air balloons, land on rooftops to chainsaw unsuspecting mascots, then blast yourself off the roof via a cannon.  You know, normal day to day stuff.

If you just can’t get enough Saints Row, these added missions are well worth your time and money.

Saints Row: The Third’s Genki Bowl VII scores a B+.



Pfft, Super Bowl? Bring on Genki Bowl VII!

10 01 2012

By pure coincidence, yesterday I decided to peruse my Saints Row: The Third achievements and came across a few odd ones I’d never seen before.  Apocalypse Genki?  Sad Panda Skyblazing?  Sexy Kitten Yarngasm?  Did I miss something?  The answer was given to me over the great world of the internet with happy sexy fun time news about Saints Row: The Third’s first mission based DLC.  On January 17 expect to see Genki Bowl VII arrive on XBLA, PSN and Steam for $7.  Don’t fret, the DLC is also included in the Saints Row: The Third season pass.  This is going to be a great week.


Top 5 on the Fly. Pimps, Gimps and Furrys, OH MY!

29 12 2011

For today’s “Top 5 on the Fly” let’s talk about the funnest game of the year, Saints Row: The Third.

From the trailer alone you can see that Saints Row: The Third is just mayhem…INSANE MAYHEM!  The open world of Steelport is filled with gangs, hookers, cops and even furrys.  There’s so many fun things to do in fact, that I’ve completed 50% of the game and have only finished 27 main storyline missions, 27!  13 hours invested and I’ve barely even scraped the surface.  There’s deep customization of your character and vehicle, and a Rep leveling system that feels similar to any quality RPG out there.  Volition has really outdone themselves with this one delivering us a hand painted masterpiece followed up with a swift kick to the crotch.  Saints Row: The Third is my top pick for most bang for your buck.  And in the spirit of Saint’s Row please make that last statement as dirty and raunchy in your mind as possible.


Dark Souls Hurt My Soul.

24 12 2011

Dark Souls Review

Let me begin this review with the honest statement that I did not care to finish Dark Souls.  I didn’t play Demon’s Souls, it’s predecessor, so I had no idea what I was getting myself into and had heard that Dark Souls was one of the hardest games of the year.  I’m good at most games, have a pretty decent amount of patience (I beat Catherine on Easy and Normal, so that has to mean something) and really wanted to see what Dark Souls was all about.  Well I found out it’s all about frustration.  I don’t understand how this game is rated so highly.  I’m going to try to make this an unbiased review and not just some troll session, so please bear with me.

Dark Souls starts slow, with one cut scene trying to describe the story to you, because after that, there’s nothing.  Just you wandering around reading bloody scripts on the ground as a half ass tutorial.  The menus are confusing, with descriptions of objects that just tell about their lore and not how they benefit you.  Oh, square means I drink this stuff for HP, thanks for not telling me that bloody scripts.  You begin with character customization where you choose your combatant, anything from a knight to a mage, the choice is yours.  I chose the knight, powerful with a good deal of HP.  The customization has a few faces to choose from and some body types, nothing too detailed.  After that you’re thrown into the unforgiving world of Dark Souls.  The first thing you notice is that the graphics are unimpressive.  Very circa 2000 Dreamcast style, I don’t normally let poor graphics bother me, I enjoyed the hell out of Deadly Premonition, so wandering around this jagged edged world wasn’t it’s downfall.  The relentless combat style was what killed Dark Souls for me.  Timing is everything and apparently I didn’t have it.  Every monster strikes differently, faster or slower, once or with combination strikes.  Needless to say I died, a lot.  I was determined to not let this bring me down and continued to trudge through the trenches.  But in the end, Dark Souls had defeated me, defeated my will to continue to play.

I had read many other reviews and people’s opinions on Dark Souls and have come to this conclusion.  People who claim that Dark Souls is their “Game of the Year” are A.) Liars, B.) Attempting a humble brag saying their really good at games, or C.) Being a gaming Hipster by liking what the gaming norm says isn’t worthy of being a GOTY.  “I was playing Dark Souls before anyone liked it.”  STFU hipster.  Dark Souls is challenging and unforgiving, the combat is responsive but lacks fluidity, menus are clunky and unhelpful, and character customization is lacking depth.  I had a hard time wanting to play Dark Souls, a game that frustrated me to no end, when I could be playing titles that were fun and made me happy such as Saints Row: The Third and Star Wars: The Old Republic.  A punch to the gut would be less painful.

I was going to finish Dark Souls…but I took an arrow to the knee.

Enjoy hours of unrewarding drab gameplay, Dark Souls scores a B-.


Saints Row: The Third is Exaggerated.

20 12 2011

Saints Row the Third Review

Saints Row: The Third is exaggerated…and is awesome because of it.  This may very well be one of the shortest reviews I will ever do for a game because simply put, Saints Row: The Third is a must buy title.  Some games are narrative masterpieces, others are genre defining, Saints Row is just flat out fun.  Be warned though, if you like boring linear games that are on rails with drab gray scale environments, than please by all means do not buy Saints Row.  But if you like open world exploration, bright neon colors of the city, creative side missions, easily accessible multiplayer, with hilarious characters and story lines all under one roof, then Saints Row: The Third is for you.  I apologize it took me so long to review this title, I was so in the dark at how awesome this game is that I just now picked it up a few days ago and it’s all I can talk about.  I mean, I’m missing early access to Star Wars the Old Republic because of it.  IT’S MADNESS!!! I can’t put Saints Row down.

Let me digress and divulge a little more information as to why Saints Row: The Third does GTA better than GTA.  Character customization is insanely detailed, you can literally create any weird or normal person you want.  Big/small, fat/skinny,Russian/British, gold or green the options are almost endless.  And they don’t stop there, after you create your obtuse caricature you can choose a funny action that you will use to compliment someone, then turn around and choose a raunchy motion to taunt that very same person.  It’s hilarious, I spent almost all of my time crying laughing as I customized my character.

The controls in Saints Row are very straightforward and easy to grasp early on.  Driving tanks, helicopters, cars and boats are all really simple.  Weapon accuracy is tight and responsive.  With all of these complimenting each other, launching a rocket from a helicopter, jumping from said helicopter, parachuting, shooting people from said parachute, landing, shooting more people then hopping through your getaway vehicles window “Dukes of Hazard” style is a piece of cake.  Did you catch all that?  Because in Saints Row, that happens.

In Saints Row: The Third your part of the most notorious gang in Stilwater, so notorious that you have become somewhat of a star.  Your whole purpose besides doing the main storyline progression is to gain 100% control of Stilwater.  You do this by purchasing property (such as Meth Labs, crack houses, chop shops, etc), completing crazy side missions (Heli assault, trafficking,tank mayhem, insurance fraud, guardian angel, and the time attack Prof. Genki Super Ethical Reality Climax) and finally beating down gangs to take control of their “corners” in Stilwater.  With Stilwater being a huge city with so much to do, there’s rarely a dull moment.

So I guess it’s safe to assume I love this game and I tell everyone I talk games with to buy it.  Saints Row: The Third is a refreshing title that allows you to kick back and just blow shit up without worrying about the consequences.  It’s a very carefree title that doesn’t stress me out, in fact, it really brightens my day…that just shows what a strange character I am.

Saints Row: The Third scores an overly enthusiastic A.

And also here’s the new DLC trailer.